RELIEF vs SADNESS

Since receiving the diagnosis, Emily's Paediatrician and her Geneticist recommended she have a heart scan and kidney scan as a precaution to see if she had any abnormalities that haven't been picked up.....

So today we attended the hospital for her appointment for her kidney scan.

I wasn't nervous for this, I felt quietly confident that all was well. I was hoping that the number of times she has been in hospital surely if there was anything they would have picked up on it before now!!

I explained in advance to Emily what would happen at the hospital, she did a lot of nodding so I took that as she sort of understood what Mummy was telling her. I prayed that we wouldn't be kept waiting for too long, Emily does not understand the word patience and I don't cope too well on my own when she goes off on one!!! Getting more regular by the day........

It all went fairly smoothly..... I was concerned that Emily was going to scream been in the dark room, her sensory issues are getting worse as she gets older but I managed to keep her quite calm considering I could tell she was not happy with her surroundings.

And yes - all did seem well on the scans - so relief, one less thing to worry about.

So why the title I hear you wonder: A couple of things did make me feel sad today. The last time I was in a similar room, I was having in depth scans myself "Downs Syndrome Marker Scan" to be exact (on Emily) due to my triple test results showing I was high risk- we were told our baby was fine, our sleepless nights of worry came to an end so I could finally enjoy my pregnancy carrying my healthy baby Emily...... little did we know.

Also I felt sadness, watching Emily laid there having this scan which was no different to having your baby scan, it made me question her future - will she ever have children of her own, will she ever have that amazing feeling of lying there watching the miracle of life moving in your tummy - who knows, it's a long long way in the future but it did make me feel sad that the probability may be no.

I suppose for now I should be focusing on the one emotion "RELIEF" xx